Transformers: Age of Extinction
Year: 2014
Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Kelsey Grammar, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Stanley Tucci & Mark Wahlberg
Runtime: 165 mins
BBFC: 12
Published: 26/07/20
Director: Michael Bay
Starring: Kelsey Grammar, Nicola Peltz, Jack Reynor, Stanley Tucci & Mark Wahlberg
Runtime: 165 mins
BBFC: 12
Published: 26/07/20
I’ve stated time and again throughout my reviews of the Transformers films that I have a soft spot for them. Whilst I acknowledge that they are not good films there are certainly a lot of things I do like about them, even though I know I shouldn’t. Age of Extinction is no exception to this, but it is the one film in the series I can never truly make my mind up about. Do I love it more, or do I hate it more than the other films in the series? I have a feeling even this review won’t answer that.
The film opens in prehistoric times Transformers visited the Earth and used terraforming tools called Seeds to turn living matter into a metal alloy that they used to create newer generations of Transformer.
The film then jumps forwards to present day Texas, five years after the events of Dark of the Moon and subsequently five years after Chicago was practically destroyed in a Decepticon invasion. Transformers have been outlawed in the United States and are hunted down by a special task force who are aided by Lockdown, a Transformer who aligns to neither Autobot or Deception ideals.
Cade Yeager (‘Marky’ Mark Wahlberg) is an ‘inventor’ (I use that word very lightly) and an extremely overprotective deadbeat dad who claims to do everything he does in order to look after and protect his daughter…despite her being the one who looks after him because they can’t even afford to pay their bills. Anyway Cade finds Optimus Prime and fixes him up because he wants to learn more about Transformers when the government catches on to this and invades his farm in order to kill Optimus (and I’m pretty sure they were going to kill Cade’s daughter and make him watch literally just because Cade was being uncooperative). Optimus saves Cade and his daughter, and then her secret boyfriend shows up and Cade is angry because she has a boyfriend and then it gets super weird because she’s 17 and he’s in his twenties but they make a whole deal about it being Texas so it’s legal and I don’t even know why the film is wasting time on this because it’s really pervy and horrible and please make it stop!
Basically long story short (deep breath in), the government task force is taking the corpses of Autobots to KSI industries who has cracked the science needed to manufacture Transformers, unfortunately they based all this research off the corpse of Megatron so all the Transformers they build are basically Megatron and then KSI wants a Seed which Lockdown has but will only give them if he gets Optimus Prime and then that happens so KSI gets the Seed and then they learn that Megatron has infected their systems and he raises a new army of Decepticons and they blow the shit out of China before some Transformer dinosaurs show up and help save the day (for some reason).
The film opens in prehistoric times Transformers visited the Earth and used terraforming tools called Seeds to turn living matter into a metal alloy that they used to create newer generations of Transformer.
The film then jumps forwards to present day Texas, five years after the events of Dark of the Moon and subsequently five years after Chicago was practically destroyed in a Decepticon invasion. Transformers have been outlawed in the United States and are hunted down by a special task force who are aided by Lockdown, a Transformer who aligns to neither Autobot or Deception ideals.
Cade Yeager (‘Marky’ Mark Wahlberg) is an ‘inventor’ (I use that word very lightly) and an extremely overprotective deadbeat dad who claims to do everything he does in order to look after and protect his daughter…despite her being the one who looks after him because they can’t even afford to pay their bills. Anyway Cade finds Optimus Prime and fixes him up because he wants to learn more about Transformers when the government catches on to this and invades his farm in order to kill Optimus (and I’m pretty sure they were going to kill Cade’s daughter and make him watch literally just because Cade was being uncooperative). Optimus saves Cade and his daughter, and then her secret boyfriend shows up and Cade is angry because she has a boyfriend and then it gets super weird because she’s 17 and he’s in his twenties but they make a whole deal about it being Texas so it’s legal and I don’t even know why the film is wasting time on this because it’s really pervy and horrible and please make it stop!
Basically long story short (deep breath in), the government task force is taking the corpses of Autobots to KSI industries who has cracked the science needed to manufacture Transformers, unfortunately they based all this research off the corpse of Megatron so all the Transformers they build are basically Megatron and then KSI wants a Seed which Lockdown has but will only give them if he gets Optimus Prime and then that happens so KSI gets the Seed and then they learn that Megatron has infected their systems and he raises a new army of Decepticons and they blow the shit out of China before some Transformer dinosaurs show up and help save the day (for some reason).
So yeah, the story to Age of Extinction is a complete clusterfuck and if you can make heads or tails of it then congratulations to you. But it’s 2 hours and 45 minutes of Mark Wahlberg being a terrible actor (sorry I meant to say father there…but the acting is also terrible) whilst some Transformers nonsensically beat the shit out of each other.
So, I hate this film, right? Eeeeehhhh, sort of not really. Most of the film is complete garbage I agree, but most of the action sequences are among the best in the entire series and the Transformer character designs are so good that I’m kind of on board with this film for spectacle alone.
All of the acting is terrible…like all of it. I don’t know who’s the worst actor in it but because Marky Mark is on screen most of the time I lean more towards him because he is supposed to be our eyes and the emotional crux of the film. The biggest problem is that Transformers is a series that appeals to boys aged 12-15 years who like big boobs and bigger explosions. When Shia LeBouf was in the lead role during the last 3 Transformers films he was closer to the target audience age, so he was much more relatable. But with Cade being well into his 40’s it makes the film feel like it’s not really made for anyone. Because teenage boys don’t want to see Mark Wahlberg, their mums favourite white rapper from the 90’s, being all heroic and barely getting hurt by Decepticon attacks because he’s the all-star super action hero guy! No, they want to see someone close to their age get their ass handed to them because it’s funny, and then see Optimus Prime and Bumblebee beat the living shit out of some bad robots (with a little Megan Fox midriff on the side).
Stanley Tucci is also in this film and dear lord even Stanley Tucci is bad. The man’s a legend how can you make Stanley Tucci give so little of a shit about your film Michael?! What did you do to Stanley?!?!
The film is way too sexually charged too, and in a creepy way. It’s made explicitly clear that Cade’s daughter (played by Nicola Peltz) is 17. So why is every grown ass man eyeing her up and talking about her skimpy clothing. Why is there an entire scene dedicated to the fact that a guy in his twenties can bang this girl because in Texas it’s legal? Why does this guy have that law laminated in his wallet for emergencies? Why is that guy also one of the main characters we are supposed to root for?! I mean the Transformers films always had problems with the way it sexualised the main female character, but this is borderline paedophilia as a main plot point and everyone is ok with it! Obviously, our main man Marky Mark isn’t but he’s just as bad because he’s overprotective in a way that suggests he would fuck his own daughter if he were closer to her age! This is all so wrong and why was this allowed to be made and marketed towards 12-year olds! People wonder why we have a problem with young boys and their lack of respect for women, it’s films like this!
So, I hate this film, right? Eeeeehhhh, sort of not really. Most of the film is complete garbage I agree, but most of the action sequences are among the best in the entire series and the Transformer character designs are so good that I’m kind of on board with this film for spectacle alone.
All of the acting is terrible…like all of it. I don’t know who’s the worst actor in it but because Marky Mark is on screen most of the time I lean more towards him because he is supposed to be our eyes and the emotional crux of the film. The biggest problem is that Transformers is a series that appeals to boys aged 12-15 years who like big boobs and bigger explosions. When Shia LeBouf was in the lead role during the last 3 Transformers films he was closer to the target audience age, so he was much more relatable. But with Cade being well into his 40’s it makes the film feel like it’s not really made for anyone. Because teenage boys don’t want to see Mark Wahlberg, their mums favourite white rapper from the 90’s, being all heroic and barely getting hurt by Decepticon attacks because he’s the all-star super action hero guy! No, they want to see someone close to their age get their ass handed to them because it’s funny, and then see Optimus Prime and Bumblebee beat the living shit out of some bad robots (with a little Megan Fox midriff on the side).
Stanley Tucci is also in this film and dear lord even Stanley Tucci is bad. The man’s a legend how can you make Stanley Tucci give so little of a shit about your film Michael?! What did you do to Stanley?!?!
The film is way too sexually charged too, and in a creepy way. It’s made explicitly clear that Cade’s daughter (played by Nicola Peltz) is 17. So why is every grown ass man eyeing her up and talking about her skimpy clothing. Why is there an entire scene dedicated to the fact that a guy in his twenties can bang this girl because in Texas it’s legal? Why does this guy have that law laminated in his wallet for emergencies? Why is that guy also one of the main characters we are supposed to root for?! I mean the Transformers films always had problems with the way it sexualised the main female character, but this is borderline paedophilia as a main plot point and everyone is ok with it! Obviously, our main man Marky Mark isn’t but he’s just as bad because he’s overprotective in a way that suggests he would fuck his own daughter if he were closer to her age! This is all so wrong and why was this allowed to be made and marketed towards 12-year olds! People wonder why we have a problem with young boys and their lack of respect for women, it’s films like this!
Anyway, crusade over. What do I like about the film? As I mentioned earlier the special effects are actually pretty great and it’s most of the reason why I watch the film. The Transformers look borderline real at various points in the film and even now in 2020 it blows me away with how good they look. The action sequences are also among the best choreographed, biggest in scale, and most well shot & edited in the entire series.
To sweeten the deal, the last 40 minutes or so of the film is just one extended action sequence in China where the laws of physics and general common sense go out the window in favour of a completely balls to the wall shootout that basically levels Beijing. It certainly starts to make up for the abysmal shite you’ve had to put up with up to that point and is the sole reason I will watch the film. It’s made all the more enjoyable because your brain is so numb from all the utter garbage you’ve endured for the past two hours that once all sense of logic disappears and the bullets start flying you feel like you’re high.
In summary Age of Extinction is utter garbage, but it’s the kind of garbage I’ll watch because, well explosions I suppose. The film as a whole is so problematic and it’s just all round a film people should avoid at all costs, but if you do find yourself watching it I can guarantee the last 40 minutes or so you’ll have a blast.
To sweeten the deal, the last 40 minutes or so of the film is just one extended action sequence in China where the laws of physics and general common sense go out the window in favour of a completely balls to the wall shootout that basically levels Beijing. It certainly starts to make up for the abysmal shite you’ve had to put up with up to that point and is the sole reason I will watch the film. It’s made all the more enjoyable because your brain is so numb from all the utter garbage you’ve endured for the past two hours that once all sense of logic disappears and the bullets start flying you feel like you’re high.
In summary Age of Extinction is utter garbage, but it’s the kind of garbage I’ll watch because, well explosions I suppose. The film as a whole is so problematic and it’s just all round a film people should avoid at all costs, but if you do find yourself watching it I can guarantee the last 40 minutes or so you’ll have a blast.