Morbius
Year: 2022
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Starring: Jared Leto & Matt Smith
Runtime: 104 mins
BBFC: 15
Published: 05/04/22
Director: Daniel Espinosa
Starring: Jared Leto & Matt Smith
Runtime: 104 mins
BBFC: 15
Published: 05/04/22
Why did I even bother? I was stewing over how to open this review for some time and that’s the best I could come up with. I wanted to open with a grandiose explanation of how Morbius, Sony’s newest addition to their Spider-Man spin-off series, came to be. But in all honesty that explanation is about as exciting as the film itself, which is to say not at all. So why did I even bother? I knew it was going to be rubbish going in after all. I mean the trailers looked tedious, the film has been pushed back more times than I can count, and it stars Jared ‘I over-act everything’ Leto in the lead role. Why did I even bother? Because I’ve bought into the Marvel brand bandwagon that’s why; and now Sony’s stringing me along for a ride with the whole ‘It’s sort of canon’ bullshit and much like with Venom: Let There Be Carnage I’m going to watch rubbish I don’t even care about on the off chance any of it might be relevant for the films I do care about. So here we go, Morbius, for the four people that care.
Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) suffers from a rare medical disorder that he has spent his entire life trying to cure. When he makes a breakthrough by combining human DNA with that of bats, Morbius is cured of his ailments but at the cost of his humanity. Now a vampire, Morbius must drink blood to survive; and when his best friend Milo (Matt Smith) also transforms himself, Morbius must stop Milo’s murderous rampage.
Dr. Michael Morbius (Jared Leto) suffers from a rare medical disorder that he has spent his entire life trying to cure. When he makes a breakthrough by combining human DNA with that of bats, Morbius is cured of his ailments but at the cost of his humanity. Now a vampire, Morbius must drink blood to survive; and when his best friend Milo (Matt Smith) also transforms himself, Morbius must stop Milo’s murderous rampage.
In case you couldn’t tell from that enthusiastic introduction, Morbius was a complete waste of my time. I actually fell asleep during the screening, that’s how bored I was. A couple of people walked out, and the poor bloke sitting next to me was clearly looking forward to seeing this film and his frustration throughout was providing me with far more entertainment than this film could ever hope to deliver. It’s a complete shambles, there’s no other way to describe it.
The story is a collection of narrative beats ripped from films that have handled the whole scientist transformation or vampire thing better (such as The Fly, Twilight, and even other Marvel movies such as Blade). To top it off, it has almost nothing to do with the MCU Spider-Man films, nor Sony’s Venom films. The trailers sold me on the inclusion of Michael Keaton’s Vulture, but the guy turns up for the post-credits sequence and basically just says ‘Hey Morbius, want to make the Sinister Six and take on Spider-Man?’ which anyone who paid attention to Sony’s strategy during the Amazing Spider-Man days knew was always coming but wow…what a shitty way of getting the ball rolling, especially when Venom isn’t anywhere to be seen and he’s well established at this point.
Also, who thought it was a good idea to release a film about a man combining human and bat DNA after COVID? I suppose considering the film was basically done by the time the pandemic happened meant that Sony didn’t want to waste all that money…but man talk about too soon.
I have a strong dislike for Jared Leto as an actor. His best performance was in Fight Club where all he had to do was get punched in the face over and over again. But it appears that he has entirely subscribed to his Joker style of performance by over-acting everything, and it comes off as straight up weird when everyone around him is doing a passable job. Matt Smith delivers the best performance in the film, but even for his standards this is pretty low. Everything is just so bland and lifeless…it’s so incredibly clear that this entire film was created by studio executives who have never watched a film in their lives. It’s so meticulously constructed to tick every possible box they have for the ‘successful superhero film’ but the only problem is that the list Sony had was from two decades ago and implemented without any understanding of what made those elements good. At that point you might as well just throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks, which arguably would have been more entertaining than whatever this is.
I’m just going to give up here, this film doesn’t deserve any more time from either me or you. Don’t bother watching it is the best recommendation I can give this film, just forget it exists. Don’t feel obligated to watch it out of commitment to a film series, because it doesn’t even try to link itself in. Don’t watch it because it’s got horror elements, because all it amounts to is a couple of rubbish and highly telegraphed jump scares. The acting is mostly sub-par, and if you like Jared Leto’s ‘acting’ then we have a bigger problem on our hands here than I thought. If the thought ever crosses your mind to watch Morbius, just remember my opening proclamation…why did I even bother?
The story is a collection of narrative beats ripped from films that have handled the whole scientist transformation or vampire thing better (such as The Fly, Twilight, and even other Marvel movies such as Blade). To top it off, it has almost nothing to do with the MCU Spider-Man films, nor Sony’s Venom films. The trailers sold me on the inclusion of Michael Keaton’s Vulture, but the guy turns up for the post-credits sequence and basically just says ‘Hey Morbius, want to make the Sinister Six and take on Spider-Man?’ which anyone who paid attention to Sony’s strategy during the Amazing Spider-Man days knew was always coming but wow…what a shitty way of getting the ball rolling, especially when Venom isn’t anywhere to be seen and he’s well established at this point.
Also, who thought it was a good idea to release a film about a man combining human and bat DNA after COVID? I suppose considering the film was basically done by the time the pandemic happened meant that Sony didn’t want to waste all that money…but man talk about too soon.
I have a strong dislike for Jared Leto as an actor. His best performance was in Fight Club where all he had to do was get punched in the face over and over again. But it appears that he has entirely subscribed to his Joker style of performance by over-acting everything, and it comes off as straight up weird when everyone around him is doing a passable job. Matt Smith delivers the best performance in the film, but even for his standards this is pretty low. Everything is just so bland and lifeless…it’s so incredibly clear that this entire film was created by studio executives who have never watched a film in their lives. It’s so meticulously constructed to tick every possible box they have for the ‘successful superhero film’ but the only problem is that the list Sony had was from two decades ago and implemented without any understanding of what made those elements good. At that point you might as well just throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks, which arguably would have been more entertaining than whatever this is.
I’m just going to give up here, this film doesn’t deserve any more time from either me or you. Don’t bother watching it is the best recommendation I can give this film, just forget it exists. Don’t feel obligated to watch it out of commitment to a film series, because it doesn’t even try to link itself in. Don’t watch it because it’s got horror elements, because all it amounts to is a couple of rubbish and highly telegraphed jump scares. The acting is mostly sub-par, and if you like Jared Leto’s ‘acting’ then we have a bigger problem on our hands here than I thought. If the thought ever crosses your mind to watch Morbius, just remember my opening proclamation…why did I even bother?